Two kids were playing outside in a garden slightly away from their homes. They were so engrossed that they didn’t notice when the winds began to blow, carrying dust particles. By the time they could understand, it changed into a storm, and the visibility around them became poor. They could only see dirt and wind blowing at a very high speed. They panicked and climbed on a tree for safety and started calling for their mothers in
distress. It didn’t take long for both the mothers to hear their children in pain. They rushed back outside, only to find their children at dangerous spots, holding the branches of a tree. One of the mothers shrieked, ‘Don’t fall! Don’t fall!’ while the other screamed, ‘Hold on, my child, hold on!’ The storm was too strong for anyone to be able to do anything. The children kept wailing while mothers kept on consoling their children in fear. They kept repeating, ‘don’t fall’ and ‘hold on’ to their respective child. It went on for a few more minutes, and one of the children fell from the tree and got slightly injured. The other child kept holding and was taken down safely when the storm finally started to fade away. Any guesses which child was still holding on and which one fell? Yes, right, the one whose mother reassured him to keep holding was still holding on while the one whose mother said not to fall fell.
This is just a story, but I would like you to consider how your words make a difference in your life and the lives of your loved ones.
Around 20 years back, someone gifted me a book, ‘Power of your subconscious mind’ by Joseph Murphy. The most important thing I learned was one of the techniques Mr Murphy suggested in the book. That is to change all our negative statements into the affirmative. E.g., ‘Don’t fall’ to ‘Hold on’ and ‘I don’t want to fall sick’ to ‘I want to feel healthy.’ He insists on changing our thinking patterns to speak what we want and not what we don’t want to attract the same in our lives.
Our experiences play an essential role in the way we speak. We, sometimes, tell certain words unintentionally that can be harmful. Here, I’ve tried to compile words we generally say or hear in context to kids and young adults and an alternate one for it that sounds and feels better. Feel free to add more such statements in the comments section.
1. Don’t throw your toys around.
Keep your toys in place.
2. You better stop throwing these blocks.
I know you are feeling out of control, and it’s hard to stop. I’m here, and I can help you.
3. Don’t fight with your friends.
Be friendly and kind.
4. Don’t be rude.
If you don’t want to share it, say it gently.
5. Don’t hit others.
You can say, stop! or back off if you need more space.
6. Don’t invite trouble.
Be safe.
7. Work hard, or you’ll fail.
You need to put in the effort to succeed.
8. Don’t waste your time.
Use your time wisely.
9. Don’t be careless.
Be careful.
10. This is what happens when you don’t listen.
It’s just a failure, not the end of the world. I, too, have failed before.
11. Don’t clutter your room.
Keep your room clean.
12. Don’t eat junk.
Your body is the only place where you have to live. Keep it healthy.
13. When others can do it, so can you.
All of us have different capabilities. Do your best.
14. You don’t try harder, and that’s the reason you fail.
Let’s figure out which specific aspect of this subject you need to work harder upon.
15. Don’t make excuses.
Would you like to discuss what happened?
16. Don’t overthink about that.
What’s bothering you?
17. Don’t use your phone while studying.
We need to follow discipline with phone time.
18. Stay away from your friend. He’ll spoil you.
You are responsible for your actions, but having friends who inspire and motivate you is good.
19. Why can’t you be more like your sister?
Would you like to learn this from your sister? We learn from each other.
20. Don’t be shy on stage.
I understand you don’t feel comfortable on stage. Would you like to practice with me again?
21. I don’t like your friend, ABC
Your friend ABC seems a little rough (or curses or bossy) while playing. What do you feel?
22. Don’t start smoking or drinking.
I know you are aware of the harmful effects of smoking and drinking. Nevertheless, you can discuss it with me whenever you feel like it.
23. I’ll not pay your fees if you don’t listen to me.
I can help you choose the best option, but you decide. Let’s discuss the pros and cons of all the available options.
24. Exercise to reduce your weight.
Exercising is a healthy choice. It keeps our body and mind fit.
25. Choose science stream. There are more options.
Understand your interests and strengths and choose your subjects wisely. You’ll do best in what you want to do.
Or,
I have studied science, and I’m not aware of the options in subjects other than science. We can ask for help from a professional if that can help you decide.
26. Stop stressing about your exams.
I get it that it’s stressful for you. Would you like to share what’s stressing you most or what you fear?
27. Memorize and write 2-3 times all the answers.
There are different ways of learning. Memorizing and writing work for me, but we can discuss what works best for you.
28. Focus on your studies; else, you’ll have a hard life.
I know you don’t like studying that much. Would you like to discuss with me the kind of trouble you face? I can try to help you make things easier and more fun for you.
29. Don’t irritate me. I just came back from the office.
I need some time to relax. Let me finish my coffee; then I’d love to hear about it.
30. Don’t show me your anger.
Are you angry because I said no? It’s okay to feel angry.
Point to remember, it’s not always parents who need to change the way they speak. However, changing the way we communicate is important because children learn more from observing their adults. If you can notice, the way we walk, talk, do certain things, our habits, even our voice is a replica of our significant adults.
There are situations in our lives when nothing works no matter what we try. That’s okay. Be kind towards yourself and others, give it some time, think it over, talk to someone and sort it out because,
There’s Always a Way!
Cheers,
Anupma
CBT & NLP Practitioner
Career Guide
Life Coach & Counsellor
You can visit my website, www.anupmagupta.com and connect with me for further queries.