Updated: Jul 22, 2021
“The bond that links our true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” – Richard Bach
I belong to a family which is incredibly normal because we argue, disagree, fight & yes, we exit the WhatsApp groups also, but at the same time, we are pillars of strength for each other. I have seen, whenever we have a crisis, each of us jump in to help. I am fond of my family members, as they keep me grounded and help me gain my strength back when I start losing it.
Recently, we were in a deep crisis. ….
Though death is a universal truth, yet accepting the loss of our loved ones is so difficult. My family went through emotional turmoil after my mom left us for her heavenly abode. She was a strong-willed person and I have rarely seen her sick. In my mind, she was immortal. I can surely say that my family felt the same. While she was fighting in hospital, we were constantly in touch and were helping each other believe in good. We had strange ways to convince ourselves. All of us were anxious, hence we were trying to give each other strength & it was working well.
Finally, she chose to leave and we were grief stricken. We are still struggling to respect her decision. I’m an optimist and try to see the brighter side of any situation, but it wasn’t easy this time. I was not in my senses and could see only the dark side. None of my skills were making any sense. I wasn’t convinced why she had to go. Though it is my job to help others in these difficult times, I was still frustrated. It took me some time to accept myself as a human and allow myself to go through what I was going through….shock, denial, bargaining, anger, depression, guilt, regret, and I knew all that was normal. We, as a family helped each other greatly by listening and being able to express ourselves. I read somewhere, when grief isn’t expressed or when it is avoided, sometimes guilt can then fester. This whole experience was transformative because paradoxically, my mother’s death taught us what is special about being alive.
After few days, I sat down to think and could understand the invaluable learnings that my mother’s last few days in hospital taught my family-
We, as a family came together & held each other tightly.
We connected like never before.
We learned to pray together in this crisis.
We tried to stay away from the blame game and focus our energies constructively.
Expressing our grief in our safe environment taught us what is important about living.
Every day we felt gratitude for all the doctors and nurses, who were with mom during her last days and I so want to convey that in person.
It was a different perspective that changed a lot in me. I felt so good about it and understood that death is inevitable and so is life.